Actions and consequences
by jayshree
Summary: One day changes Sam's perception of Dean and he ends up trying to give Dean what Sam had always wanted, normal. But how do you define normal. AU, first chapter wee chester, later Stanford era. angst,limp,hurt Dean,angst,limp Sam
1. Chapter 1

_This is is my first story. I am very nervous and scared about how my work would be received. I have been writing for a longtime but never got around posting or publishing it. Please take time to read and review it and please tell me should i continue. This is one idea that had been toying in my head for a longtime, John got normal with Mary and Mary got it with John for at least five years. Sam got normal in Stanford with Jessica. the only person who never got normal( when he could actually understand it) was Dean. _

_This is an AU about Dean getting a chance for college. But anything involved with Dean can never be simple in my case or as in most of the cases around here._

_PLEASE R AND R._

_Jayshree

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Sam knew, that he would end up lying in the bed for a long time if, he didn't act now but the moment he started to speak words began to fail him and the reason was lying next to him with his feet lying straight against the crappy motel bed crossed at his ankles and humming along an annoying metallica tune.

But today just happened to be one of the days when, though it wasn't often, his brother's off beat getting on the nerves tune was not responsible for his sleeplessness. The reason was a shinning trophy lying on the rickety stool next to his brother's head and it bore the name "DEAN".

Well the trophy also had a good dramatic story behind it. Sam clearly remembered the day almost a week back when Dean had stormed into the motel room banging the door behind him rendering the already limp door barely hanging onto his hinges. And the curses that ensued from the fifteen year old boy left the eleven year old Sam scarred for life. Sam was actually worried for the person responsible for Dean's state. The cause of Dean's moment of a rabid dog left Sam utterly confused he wanted to laugh at the simplicity and normality of it and wanted to feel sorry for his brother for whom a school science project represented an unfathomable normality.

Both the reactions weren't short of suicidal so he stuck to being practical and letting his brother in whatever colorful language that suited his mood to explain. It turned out that Dean's science teachers were more than impressed with his knack for science. Early on Sam had realized that science and math came easily to him whether it came with the job or was an innate talent he didn't know. So, Dean's teachers being impressed with his aptitude for science was no big deal it happened in every school. But this time it was different apparently the school hadn't won any interschool science fairs in a decade. The entire staff was desperate for that elusive kitty that was tarnishing the school's image. So, when Dean's science teacher began to gloat about that certain student's talent that prickled their ears. They were convinced that Dean was the candidate who could bring back that glory. What they didn't count on was that Dean was never interested, anything related to school was a formality and anything beyond that formality was a liability to their way of life.

If Dean was infamous for his stubbornness he had met a match in this school. They knew that Dean was way too behind in history and if he didn't pickup he might fail the subject, that was never a concern with him but this time it also entailed a call to the parents and spending one more semester here with compulsory summer school. That was like the ultimate threat. Dean and Sam both knew better than to let their father get involved in any of the stuff not related to hunt. According to John Winchester, Winchesters do not have the time to go after things pretending normalcy when it has eluded them since their mother had died in the house fire stuck to the ceiling with a deep gash on her stomach. His philosophy further extended that nothing is more important than the hunt lately Sam had begin to wonder about it but that was another topic entirely.

So to save Dean from this the school graciously decided to let him pass in history if he participated in the science fair and gave his best shot. Dean had no other option but to agree. The moment Dean finished with his story Sam gave him the only logical solution that to do it and get over with it and along with it he might also enjoy it. The moment he had said that Sam wanted to take it back because school, Dean and enjoyment were never the part of the same equation and Dean didn't waste a moment to pounce on it.

But, what ensued in the week changed Sam's firm held perception of Dean and he began to wonder that would he ever able to understand the mystery his brother, the mystery would only deepen in years to come, and did Dean actually knew how conflicted he and his priorities were. In that week Sam saw Dean, in a whole new different light. The way he worked on the science project was clearly endearing; Dean's eyes were generally ablaze, the passion and fervor with which he worked was exactly how he was during one of the hunts with their dad.

That week made Sam realize that there was something beyond the hunt that could make Dean happy and hunt wasn't the sole thing that Dean held passion for and that something didn't entitled him to put himself in the line of fire. In the end the school's gamble paid off, Dean won the interschool competition. Moreover, the jury found Dean's work so ingenious that they wrote him a recommendation letter then and there that, this boy held a talent to harness and watch out for.

So, this was the reason why Sam still lay sleepless on his bed. Dean always took care of Sam. He was always busy with Sam and his needs that Dean had been neglecting himself since he carried his baby brother out of the burning house in his four year old small hands. If Dean didn't take care of himself, he would step up to take care of his big brother that is what brothers are for.

But, before he took any action he needed to make sure that this was for the best. So steeling himself Sam spoke up

"hey! Dean you are not asleep, are you?" his voice came out croaky but thankfully Dean ignored it and said

"What happened to your hearing squirt? I am still humming you know and last time I checked I don't hum when I sleep that is what dad does but that is not humming those are massive snores that can scare anyone who walks in unwarned. Thankfully we have had a lifetime of warnings" "and yeah! I am still awake. So, shoot"

"Dean, you won the interschool competition aren't you happy about it? People were all over you, praising you" Sam waited for the answer with bated breathe for a moment he was scared that Dean would look at him like an alien and ask him to go to sleep. But that answer that followed truly surprised him.

"I am glad. It was real good working with all the electronics and at the end of it the acknowledgement and praise gave me that sense of completion and satisfaction that I have been yearning for" Dean had that wistful look on his face.

Sam knew that their line of work was a thankless social service which stays with them for a very short time and under all the wraps of secrecy. So, if dean yearned for the acknowledgement and praise it was only natural. The answer that Dean gave was unbridled, it was an honest answer with no mask involved. That moment made it clear that his decision to take that course of action was justified and he would do anything to make it come through.

As, though sensing that Dean had said too much that annoying smirk was back on his face and said

"Stay away from me, your geekiness in starting to corrupt me. I swear to god I will kill you if anyone hears about it"

"Okay!" said Sam.

"I think dad should be back by the next morning. He was almost finished with the hunt the last time we talked. I really want him to be back soon so I could get away from this place. It was beyond endurance. When he is back things would finally be okay" Said Dean

"I hope so too, goodnight Dean" said Sam finally sleep was catching up to him with the load off his head.


	2. Chapter 2

_here goes the next chapter. thankyou starmage and scorpio for the reviews they gave me the necessary boost and somewhat reduced my apprehension. in all the supernatural series we have known that Dean did this for Sam that for Sam. raising Sam, going to hell for him. but doesn't Sam love Dean equally so Sam is doing his bit for Dean. i have tried to keep the entire admission process as close to accurate as i could but yes i took creative freedom, i just wanted to put the idea through no offence intended._

_please read and review. feel free to point out mistakes, it will only help in improving._

_DISCLAIMER: i don't own supernatural or either of the boys_

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SEVEN YEARS LATER

It had been hours since his dad left the motel room fuming with anger. It wasn't the first time that Sam had aggravated John but this time it was different and Dean wasn't sure whether things could be righted again with a sorry. It wasn't like a lightening struck out of the blue but had accumulated over the years of lack of satisfaction over Sam's part and lack of understanding over John's part. John was always under the impression that it was just a phase in Sam's life and would pass over with the years but Dean knew better. He had been careful observer of signs that told him volumes about Sam's state of mind and no matter what Sam's mind was made that he would leave this pointless way of life at the first chance he got, his dad was merely ignoring the glaring signs of inevitable.

Sam hadn't actually broken the truce as of yet but had been fighting more and more making his displease more and more obvious with everything his dad spoke or did. Dean had always tried to make peace between the two most important people in his life but the escalation in the number and ferociousness of the fights had left him numb and scared. Where the monsters of the night had failed in destroying the fearless Winchesters they were breaking apart of their own accord and Dean could do nothing about it.

Dean couldn't blame Sam to want something more out of life, the kid had smarts to be successful in life and do something that made him happy. Hell, even Dean had always wanted normal for Sam though what normal was he had no idea, he suspected that Sam's definition of normal was also similarly inaccurate. But that made dad wrong, no, even that wasn't the case. His dad had always done what he thought was best for them. A man who had seen his wife bleeding and burning on ceiling with two kids left in tow with one just a baby could drive a man insane or drive him to the bottle but his dad coped for their sake just it had never been enough for Sam.

It was again up to him to keep what was left of his family together. But now

"He is just a kid dad, cut him some slack" won't work neither a secretive visit to the movies or mal would work for Sam. This time he would need to come with something that was even out of his league. If lying and deception kept his family together so be it for him family always came first.

He was just waiting for Sam to spill the beans. By the looks of it Sam was himself under a lot of internal struggle his face was scrunched up and brows furrowed but Dean wasn't going to start the conversation. Finally, after a life time of waiting Sam took a deep breathe.

"Dean, you know I wanted to show you something" with that Sam pulled out an envelope behind his back.

With one cursory glance at Sam, Dean flicked open the envelope.

"Are you serious? You got in the Stanford. With the way we have been wandering all of our lives. That is a record in geekiness as well. Wow, you must be really good" said Dean

"What you are not angry?" Said Sam as he scooted over to where Dean was sitting.

"About this, never I am rather proud of you. You made it against odds stacked so high. but yeah! The way you drove dad mad today I am surprised he didn't blow the casket." Dean said

"I am scared Dean about how dad would react when comes to know about it"

"Come on, he may be a drill sergeant but he is not heartless. He would give you a pat on the back" Dean said though he was testing the truth in that statement.

"Yeah! Sure. I bet you are talking about our dad who wouldn't let me finish my homework on the hunt night. Next you are going to say that a unicorn just flew outside our window"

That caused Dean to smirk either it was a lame joke or really ingenious one finally the kid was learning.

"Unicorns? That is the best you could come up with"

Sam rolled his eyes. Dean continued "no seriously don't judge him. It might turn out better than you ever anticipated just let me handle the reins on this one"

"That is something you have done all your life." Looking at Dean's face Sam quickly added "no, I don't plan to try and handle reins with dad anytime soon. But while you are at it you might just talk about this one as well" with that Sam handed over Dean another envelope

"Don't tell me. You applied to Princeton as well and got selected there too and you want me to ask dad about his opinion that which one you should join. If that is the case you are pushing you are luck very far... Very… Very far" Dean said.

By the time Dean finished reading he was fuming this was completely uncalled for

"What is this? Is this some kind of joke? This is beyond twisted I don't appreciate, I can take any crap shoved towards me but this is something I never expected out of you. Better keep your sense of humor in check" his words clearly couldn't define what he was feeling.

"No. no Dean this is no joke this is hundred percent truth" said Sam. He had anticipated denial and anger but this was scarier.

"I told you this is one joke I cannot stomach. And let me get this straight according to this piece of rubbish paper it is addressed to me and reads _dear Mr. Dean Winchester. We have considered your application and after careful scrutiny and consideration decided that Stanford University would be delighted to have you as a student. But in the view of the nature of your application you would be required to sit for an examination scoring the acceptable score would entitle you to the full scholarship you have applied for. Regards Stanford. _And you want me to believe this" Dean said breathlessly and slammed the letter down on the bed.

"You might not believe me and if you do, you might not forgive me. But this is the truth for all these years I had been keeping a track of all your grades, achievements, certificates, prizes. You used to come back and toss them aside as though they don't matter. But I collected them all and send them over to Pastor Jim. I was scared taken how observant you are you would realize all your reports were missing but you never did. And even if you did you never mentioned, I tried hinting you to their absence but you tossed that aside saying that they must have been misplaced with all the moving. You were never bothered about your things and stuff so I sent your application" said Sam

If Dean said that he was flabbergasted it was the understatement of the year. Such a big part of his life was being worked upon under his nose and he had been sleeping all over it, for god's sake he was supposed to be observant. But, Sam did have a point that he had never paid attention towards where his life was going he had merely been led and carried along to live another day. So, if he missed all about school it was no big deal because school had never been something important in their way of life and he masked it with abhorrence. It wasn't that school was likeable all the time but yes, he loved some things about school the thrill of science, the freedom from constant looking over the shoulder and not being a complete freak.

But this was ridiculous and he voiced it immediately.

"This is ridiculous. Fine I believe that you send my application with all the reports you preserved with Pastor Jim but it still it doesn't explain how I got in The Stanford"

Sam smiled at that, it was not the shy smile he gave when Dean said he was proud of him to get in; it was a full fledged 200 watts smile. I am going cold with fright and disbelief and Sam is smiling. Dean breathed a sigh of relief finally the joke was over.

"I am really surprised that you don't know that you have always done well in spite of being indifferent and careless. You have actually always been real good"

So, not over yet thought Dean and said "wait a minute, now I get it. They must have mixed up my application with yours or you send your application twice once under your name and once under mine. Because you are the geek not me"

Dean had never thought that one day the thought of killing his baby brother would sound so good. He really wanted to punch those teeth shinning under those deep dimples. He now understood how Sam would have felt under the constant assault of Dean's stupid smirk. Obvious to Dean's discomfort Sam smiled wider and said

"Nope, you have been a geek, but you were better at hiding it. No, seriously dude all the science fairs you have won over the years were good enough credentials plus all your science and math teachers have written glowing references for you"

"How, when?" Dean asked thoroughly confused the information was too much to take in so he sank further on the bed. Sam was not heartless he understood it was too much for Dean and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I asked them to write down references, they were happy to do it for one of brightest student they had ever seen. Though they called you lazy and careless but couldn't deny the obvious penchant for brilliance. Even I couldn't fathom that thought until seven years back I saw you work on that science project, you were happy and glowing that passion was contagious. It was then I realized that you could do something else than the family business that would make you happy. But your nature of selflessness and always taking care of the family would never allow you to consider what you want"

"And, how do you know that is what I want" said Dean

"No, I don't. But Pastor and I thought that you should give yourself a chance at this and you might get an answer about what you want. And whatever you decide would be fine with me I would accept your decision all I am asking for give this a chance as you have given hunting that chance" said Sam

"Does, dad know about any of this" even Dean was surprised at his question when he knew the answer. Nevertheless he added "I don't know Sam. With you it was different you always were clear with your dislike towards the hunting but I showed that enthusiasm. In me he would consider the ultimate betrayal, that I kept such a big thing hidden" "and no, you are never going to tell him that you made this happen, you need to promise me that"

Sam solemnly nodded in yes.

"He might accept your decision grudgingly but sooner or later he would do that. But, he would never forgive me for misleading him"

"Dean, you never misled him. He took your sense of duty as a wholehearted signed up decision" said Sam

"That doesn't count; he would always believe that he can count on me for always being there"

"You would always be there for him when needed, we both would be there. If he can accept my decision then he would also accept yours" at that Dean gave Sam that look which said do you know what you are talking about.

A look washed over Dean's face as though he suddenly remembered and realized that this might be the solution to the dilemma of his breaking family. He knew he had the answer and said

"I need to think about"

"Well that's a start. That is all I am asking for." Said Sam

"In all of this I forgot to thank you this is something very big you have done for me and under the constant threat that either dad or I could get a whiff of this. This is something I never thought that I could get" Dean meant every word of it. How could Dean hold this against him all the while Dean thought him to be his baby brother he was working for his big brother? He never thought that someone would take out time for him like this. With time he remembered.

"So, according to my application what was I doing in the past four years?" said Dean

Sam smiled wider and said "finally my favorite question. According to the application our dad works in marines so he had to be on a move constantly for missions. As our mother was dead there would have been no one to take care of your kid brother. So, you decided to postpone your plans for college. And in the meantime you worked with Pastor Jim in the church as community services and took care of his garage that Jim had inherited but never got around to get it working and under you it became profitable. You have got to read that letter bro; I believe that this was the letter that made a final stamp on your acceptance."

"I thought pastors couldn't lie"

"Well, he wasn't lying Dean. He just tweaked the truth a little bit. Further, now as your brother is a major and is expecting to be studying in Stanford you decided it was the time to apply"

"When did you become such a master liar? It is hard to look for flaws" said Dean

"Well I had the training from the best big brother liar" said Sam

"With the stunt you have pulled you are giving my ace position as the best brother a threat"

"Nah! That is not possible. You haven't just been a brother but also my parent more than dad could ever be. I did nothing as compared to what you have done for me all my life" Sam said his voice full of emotions

Clearly forgetting that Dean hated chick flick moments he bent forward towards Sam in a bear hug

"Nope, thank you for this. Thanks a lot. This means too much"

"That is what brothers are for" said Sam

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R AND R

jayshree

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	3. Chapter 3

_thanks for keeping my story on alert. starmage thankyou for taking time to review. _

_here is the next chapter. it didn't turn out as i wanted it to. took great pondering over on my part. bear with me.

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It had been five days since Sam had dropped the bomb on him. And still Dean hadn't come up with a decision. Sam didn't say anything but he was loosing patience; patience was never a strong point of a Winchester.

The thing is saying something and doing something are two entirely different things. He could kill a ghost, fight off demons, release a town form a witch spell but when it came to talking to his dad no matter how right or wrong it might be, gave him jitters. It wasn't that his dad would give him a thrashing; he hadn't actually raised his hand on either Sam or Dean. What Dean was scared of was disapproval and losing him?

But this time no matter how royally screwed up the entire thing was Dean was going to do it. He always had one important duty and he would never fail at it. Taking a deep breathe after making sure Sam was asleep, he quietly slipped out of the motel room and made way to the bar where his dad went after the hunt. His decision finally made, he needed his dad to understand and agree to his decision. But, who was he kidding; the earth shattering action was as many steps away as was the bar.

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If Sam thought that breathing under water was tough then breathing in the palpating amount of tension in the motel room was a humungous task. The moment he got up he was greeted with this thick wave of tension emitting form the two highly unlikely sources his dad and Dean. There was never tension amongst them even if dad was angry Dean allowed it to cool off. So, this was an entirely new experience, he couldn't help but sympathize with Dean if this was what he was greeted with whenever Sam and their dad fought.

This tension could mean one thing that Dean had made the decision and it hadn't gone down well with their dad. He was happy that Dean had taken the right decision; he just assumed it sided with him.

Sam didn't want to come out of the shower because it was so much better than what was happening outside. But, he couldn't leave his brother alone when he had stood with him all the years, he owed him this much. It was the same reason that forced him to sit at the table swallowing the breakfast; it was taking everything from him to not throw up. Thank god for small favors; it was at the time when he couldn't shove anymore food in his mouth his dad shoved his plate away grunting

"Are you done, Sam? We need to talk"

Not trusting his ability to talk, Sam just nodded. Wordlessly, Dean cleared the remnants of their half eaten breakfast and sat down at the end of the bed. Sam hated it, when Dean would, without any complaints, clear up their mess; but now was not the time to talk about it. He looked over to Dean who clearly gave the impression of a person who was there and not there types.

"You applied to college?" his dad's voice broke him out of his reverie. The cat is out of the bag so why not do it thinking that Sam said

"Yes and I got accepted at Stanford" Sam carefully observed his dad's face for reaction when he found none 'the time for the final blowout' he thought. But, surprises never cease because what came out of his father's mouth was high up in the list of unfathomable as was a tubby baby with love arrows.

"That is really good. I am proud of you at least someone around here gives hundred percent to everything they believe in. Provided you are not pretending the belief"

Sam jerked his head towards Dean. He must be really hurt because it was clear as a day who, their father was referring to.

"Look at me boy when I am talking to you, don't get distracted with outside noise"

What the hell happened between dad and Dean? His dad could be insensitive at times with Dean at acceptable and non acceptable levels but this was by far the farthest he had ever gone with Dean. Even by their dad's standard this was bordering devilish behavior.

"What is wrong with you dad? How can you talk about Dean like this?" he said standing full of anger knocking the chair behind him.

"SAM" this was the first word Dean had spoken this morning his voice full of warning and unmasked fright.

"Stay out of it. This doesn't concern you. It concerns only the family" came the unforgivable voice of their dad. That statement settled all the three Winchesters in complete silence that was the scariest thing Sam had encountered all his life and speaking of their life it meant something.

After this Dean would never speak for himself Sam had to speak for him

"What does that mean? I get it you are angry that we applied for college without telling you. But this is insane; you can't fault Dean for this"

"You mean Dean applied for college"

"Yeah! And he got selected too" the lie automatically stumbled out of his mouth his promise to Dean still ringing in his ears

"And, I thought I was really drunk last night I thought I hallucinated the entire stuff about you applying for college and getting selected, that was still believable. But the moment I heard Dean had also got into college it gave me bells that I was way too drunk"

"What do you mean by that?" Sam could understand what his dad was hinting but didn't want to believe it.

"What I mean is how much that brother of yours made you drink last night as a form of celebration? Because my hangover is gone but you still seem to be under the effect of the alcohol, thinking that Dean made into the college" said John his voice full of venom.

Enough was enough, his dad had taken this too far and he wouldn't cower to this. Dean didn't deserve to be treated like this.

"Do you really think that? Why I am not surprised, as it is you have missed all of Dean's childhood why would you know how many science fair he has won over the years. What grades he got at school. I am lucky to have Dean who made sure that you knew about my school stuff else even I would have been dumb enough to get into a college"

Expecting his dad to punch him in his face he looked on mildly surprised when he turned towards Dean and gave him a knowing glare and began to laugh loudly that laughter was as hurtful as nails scratching a mirror hurtful to the source too.

That laughter then turned into dry heaves "now, do you really expect me to answer how I could treat Dean like this? As of now, you both are free to do whatever you want because that is what you both had been doing behind my back for all these years and I thought that I had a family I could count on that wasn't judging me. You always made it plenty clear what you thought of me at least you weren't deceptive unlike your brother"

"You know what hurts the most? Is that the one constant I believed in and could rely upon was never there. The constant who would be there with me in my darkest hours was laughing at me all the while or rather speaking was humoring his old man all these years" their dad continued furiously wiping at his face. He had never seen Dean crying like this in all these years it was heart wrenching his green eyes spoke volumes that the injury he has suffered today would always remain with him as a festering wound. Sam wanted to break his promise right away and save Dean from suffering, he knew how much Dean had always needed dad.

He wanted to scream at his dad that Dean never betrayed him because he had never known how to do that. He never applied to college it was all Sam's doing. Sam could bear his dad breaking relations with him but would never want to witness the day when his dad and brother fell off.

Things at Winchester's had always been this way Sam and their dad fought, Dean was the peacemaker. Sam spilling the beans would entitle more fighting and disagreements but the day dad and Dean allowed things to go sour between them would change their family forever that would leave devastating effects on who ever came close.

The moment Sam opened his mouth Dean spoke up deliberately interrupting Sam's unsaid words, when did his brother psychic thought Sam.

"No dad this is not true"

"True…True do you know the meaning of being true? Last night when you told me all of this I thought this was one of your practical jokes, I wanted to play along and then make it the last joke you ever cracked. Seems that, I had been joked around. If me, the family and avenging your mother meant so little to you then why didn't you leave at the first opportunity you got? No, you stayed behind to corrupt your brother and leave me all alone, high and dry"

"You played along really well. I always got to hear from Bobby, Jim, Josh, Caleb even Sam that how wrong I have always been with you. That I turned you into daddy's little soldier. Seems that little soldier always had the mind but never spoke up and definitely didn't mind the sergeant getting long guilt trips from everyone." Said John

In Sam's eyes Dean couldn't have looked more broken but it wasn't enough that he would regret giving Dean a chance at normal life.

Whether their dad was privy to how much hurt his words were causing Dean he didn't show and continued

"You know you played around me but no more. If I stop you know you would, but then there will always be the fear of that one day when you would just get up and leave. So, just leave both of you"

There was something the way their dad said this it was full of failure and deep sadness. Sam wanted to go over and hug him. But that was not an option.

"I am going over and paying up the motel bills and I will leave immediately. Don't follow me because it is over. Sam, take care and work for what you believe in. Don't get your priorities muddled because it damages and hurts people all around you."

John turned around and said Dean not directly addressing him

"Don't leave the impala behind because I would never sit again in it and promises hold true for me. I promised it was yours so it is I hope it was as good enough for you as you claimed. I remember our conversation of last night I hope you remember it too. Work on it"

With that John shut the door behind him leaving his two sons behind. That sound was ominous the ringing of it would always be with them.

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**so guys please tell me how was the chapter. please review it means a lot. and tell me whether i should continue or not.**

_john comes across bad but seriously how would a man react who himself is not sure that he is doing the right thing and the boy who stood by him no matter come what may was just a mirage. think from John's point of view his reaction would seem apt for a man who has been forced into the situation._

In my opinion John's aggression was always some what hollow he was equally scared and knew that he had failed to give his boys the chance that he wanted to give.

The most favorite John scene of mine was in dead man's blood when John tells Sam how he had saved money for both of his boys that was for college. if you find Sam's smile adorable just have a look at John when he smiles he completely floors you..


	4. Chapter 4

_thanks a lot starmage, bags 101 thanks for stopping by and checking on the story. you both are great just keep the support going. please review guys...._

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THREE YEARS later

Sam woke up with a start his face all sweaty and clammy. That was bound to happen taken the vividness of his dream. He had been having the nightmare of the showdown when they left dad three years back constantly since the wretched motel door was banged at their faces behind their dad's back. The scenario kept on playing in his dreams on and off with details some times minutely altered and sometimes so majorly altered that it ended with Dean bloodied, beaten and bruised. Though it wasn't true but dreams always have the tendency to replay your worst fears in stark clarity.

So much had happened and changed in the span of three years that Sam always thought that this reality always had that dream like quality. This was what he had always wanted out of life- being in college, being normal; having a steady home in this entire thing he had his brother as a constant pillar. Many things changed but some things just remained the same. One happened that his brother hadn't put down his mantle of protecting his baby brother. Guess some habits are impossible to loose and that one happened to keep Sammy safe form everything. What once had started as a duty had now become the motive of life, he just couldn't forgive his father for making a four year old responsible for a six month old.

Speaking of his dad he was true to his words and the entire thing played out as Dean had said it would. Sam had really hoped that things would better with time but today even three years later they were still the same.

His dad accepted Sam's decision he wasn't happy but accepted it that was more than Sam could have asked for. Two months later after segregating ways their dad called Sam and talked at length inquiring about how he was doing, and he had the mutual ness in his tone about being okay with the entire thing. Sam was ecstatic the moment he asked his dad to talk to Dean he cut off.

Swallowing hard Sam said to tell Dean that dad would come around with time and three years later Sam was playing the same old recorded line when their dad was concerned. By now this line had also lost its weightage and was just a line that was by heart to both Dean and him.

Dad used to call him on regular basis, even visited him sometimes going out of the way or whenever he was close by. But the curtsey to those visits didn't extend to Dean, their dad never once asked about Dean but when Sam talked about how Dean was doing dad never interrupted him guess no matter how much dad pretended he hadn't actually cut off Dean completely but he was too stubborn to admit it. Their dad still cared a lot about Dean but how do you explain that to a person who isn't there and is just yearning for the simplest of a smile however customary it might be from that person whom he had idolized for longer than anyone cared to remember.

During dad's visit Sam had a hard time looking Dean in the eye because the look in those green eyes that was sure to be there would twist his heart in a merciless fist. Sometimes Sam thought to tell their dad to get lost if he couldn't bring himself to accept Dean and his decision if he could accept Sam's decision then how hard it could be to accept Dean's.

For all the years of fighting with dad Sam had never anticipated or even imagined how would things go horribly wrong when their dad and Dean disagreed? You have to live through it to get to terms with it. Because this was something even the best of psychologist couldn't explain a parent could stomach fights with his offspring who had always fought but wouldn't forgive the offspring who had always been loyal for that one moment of disloyalty, disagreement or messing up. Hard to believe but in all the years of parenting a parent just learns everyday some thing more about shaping a child but for that support he leans on the same child to tell him that "it's okay! Daddy, mommy" or "you have always done well by us". It is indeed ground breaking for the parent when that kid is no longer the same obedient one.

If that held true for normal families then it applied exponentially for their messed up family. No matter how much their dad wanted to come across as emotionless, angry sergeant he was quite the opposite. Beneath all those masks lay the true sacred John Winchester scared for his kids' safety, scared that they would hate him, if he had raised them right. In all those dark moments Dean had been there for him. Though, Sam regretted every instant when Dean had tried to cover up for dad and Sam but it was one of those things that kept them together. That much was never a secret.

This quality time spending with dad made Sam see him in a completely new light; guiltily he enjoyed it as well. They still had their fair share of fights on the silliest of things, how can one expect one to change their innate stubbornness and when two people who are too much like each other are together their thoughts always clash. Now, he understood why Dean had always stood by their dad but it took such a big blow to the balance of things around their household for him to come to terms with it.

Really he wished that one of these days he could just pick up the anger to tell his dad to get lost and come back only when he has come to terms with the way things were now. And, to stop being an ass. But if he did that dad would be completely out of there lives before you got to say think about it. And if that happened Dean would never forgive him for this. Sam was one link he had to their father and he would be damned if allowed Sam to break that; that much Sam knew he never had to be told he just knew.

Always after Sam had talked to dad or had met him Sam just went over recalling everything to Dean word by word frame by frame. In all this Dean never said a word just kept on listening and looking far off. In the past three years not once had Dean taken dad's name neither had inquired about their old man? But Sam always went forward telling because it was expected and a routine.

Sam wasn't quite sure how he had removed the covers left the bed and walked over to open window, the cool morning breeze just playing at his face removing the sweat. A gentle feather light touch on his shoulder broke him out of his reverie. He broke his eyes from the scene outside the window and looked down from his six foot four frame into those pretty blue eyes.

Sam had earlier said that this reality had a dream like quality the owner of those eyes was the biggest reason for it. He didn't know how he got lucky enough to get someone like Jessica Moore in his life. The leggy blonde, with gentle beautiful features had attracted everyone's attention on the campus but what attracted him to her was the depth of her emotions, intelligence, understanding, and lively attitude towards life. Her carefree laughter and liveliness was infectious and Sam could actually forget the darkness that lurked in the corners in her presence. He wondered had dad also felt the same way with mom. Would Dean actually meet someone like her that would make living for and coming back worth?

"You are worried about him aren't you?"

"Hmm... how do you and Dean always know when I am worried?

"Okay! Let me guess. One that you are out of your bed at six thirty when you don't have classes all day. And two that brother of yours taught me a thing or two." Said Jessica as she gently laid her head on his shoulder.

"Dean is bad for you. You are being sarcastic first thing in the morning" said Sam feeling the softness of her hair tickling his neck.

"It is just his sarcasm that could give you the strength to live through the day of Stanford stress. I don't know why they spent so much money on counselors to help students to cope up when they could have a more successful person in Dean" said Jess.

"Just don't let him hear that. He would stop studying altogether and would march straight up to the dean's office with a name plate saying Dean Winchester – the in demand student guide. Ps. Counselor sounds cheesy and old." Said Sam

Jess nuzzled closer and said "I can visualize that and it just might work. You still didn't answer my question"

Oh! She can be as pushy as Dean thought Sam and said "yeah! For full five days Dean had been gone and the last time we talked was three days back. His phone is coming out of range"

"Don't worry, doesn't he always come back. And this isn't the first time he has gone without telling you. Plus he is a big boy almost had been your guardian all his life so he doesn't have to tell you where he goes" slowly he guided Sam to sitting on the bed.

"Why it is that he gets a free ticket to just up and leave with a note that I would be gone don't worry. And he has to keep me on a leash"

Jess raised her brow on this indicating disapproval

Sam corrected himself "okay! That is not a leash but worry. So why is it that I can't worry after him?"

"If that makes you feel better I am also worried about him. Oh! God you people have so much worry filled up in yourselves that is leaking of your tops and filling in my head"

Sam gave a throaty chuckle and said

"Did I tell you that Dean is bad for you?"

"Yup first thing in the morning and last thing in the night"

At that Sam just shook his head in mock helplessness. Jess felt that Sam's spirits were somewhat lifted and to add the filler touch, curtsey specialty Dean, she added

"Unlike you I have classes today morning and would be going on all the day. So I would be glad if you could let go off me and prepare some breakfast for me"

"At your, service your highness. Any special request" Sam said along with a salute.

Jess tilted her head back laughing added "omelet and some toast, juice is mandatory. And while you are at it get the morning paper and get my dress ready"

Sam scowled "joke went far?" Jess added.

"Nope, but you are" Sam said as he leaned in playfully towards her.

Jess quickly got out of his grasp and said "I am going to shower. In the meantime you can start with your work"

"Aww… still the omelet, toast and juice coming your way. But you will have to make up for it later on" Sam called after her retreating back.

"I will see what I can do" Jess said back.

Half an hour later Jess thought that whatever headway she had made was going back to square one because Sam sat at the table chewing his lower lip his breakfast lay untouched.

"Talk to him when he comes back. Because that is one boy who had this talk long overdue and while you are at it put the fear of lord in him" said Jess testing if humor would help again.

At that statement Sam felt a pang in his heart because he had heard someone say the exact words whenever they met. He wondered how Missouri was doing; he hadn't talked to her for so many years. Trying to ignore the pull in his heart Sam said "Dean's friends and project partners had been calling me and badgering me with where the hell your brother is. Our electronics project is due in three days and your brother is away yet again"

"They should have learnt their lesson by now that Dean isn't known for attending classes neither for giving regular updates. But is known for submitting the entire model worked by himself on time, with excellent grades rather the best grades with entire team's undeserved name on it. Anyways when someone partners with Dean they are looking for a free grade with no work. I have heard they have a long waiting for being Dean's partner in any electronics project"

"Apparently Dean's professor also know that so he choose partners for him and they are A one geeks and nerd. You can actually feel their fright; they have been constantly badgering me. Dean seriously owes me one for this"

"Oh!! Count me in as well. Debby had been driving me insane asking me. When my boy friend's brother is coming back? Blah…blah" said Jess nibbling on her toast.

"So another casual fling for Dean" said Sam

"Believe me I won't want it otherwise. Dean would go on her already full head. She had just broken off with the football guy Maverick so now she is free and eligible to date Dean. Ewe... "

"That is not what I mean. In these years Dean had so many girl friends that I have lost count. I bet even he doesn't remember their names. Yes, he had never gone out with girls with steady boy friends only girls which were actually looking for just that much but no commitment involved. I am just worried when Dean will find someone like you for him"

Jess gave him the look at which Sam added "yeah! It is impossible to get someone like you. You are the only one of the kind."

"No, Sam I am flattened with someone like you statement. He will meet someone that will be good for him in all the ways. Just trust that girl is there"

"Oh! I trust that girl is there but I am not sure would Dean meet her and if he does would he open to her and let her in to see that super softy heart that only few people have the privilege to see" said Sam.

Jess knew all about it, at first when Jess came in contact with Dean she found him too shallow, an A one flirt, lazy, having airs that he so didn't deserve, just getting through with stuffs with his brilliance that others struggled to get and still couldn't match up to him. Jess had the bad luck of meeting the elder Winchester first so; she thought she didn't want to have anything to do with the younger Winchester if he was anything like Dean even if they shared classes. She tried to avoid and ignore the Winchester charm that was making its name and spreading like wild fire for the greater part of her first semester.

But destiny had other plans Sam and Jess were teamed together for a project just out of pure luck. She came to know him and liked what she saw in him. So her next opinion was that Sam was one of those poor souls tortured by the mere presence of their dominating big siblings.

She was wrong on that count too. As Sam and Jess began to spend more and more time together she also came in the close proximity of the Dean. How thoroughly wrong can be first impressions or simply what meets the eye, Dean was the epitome of that? He was a thoroughly loving caring brother something she had never imagined him to be. He was good with kids and just spend time at the park on the jungle gym with them may be that came with raising Sam.

Dean really put her through a ringer when he realized Sam felt for her. Because no one gets to hurt his baby brother. But all in all she passed the test and was welcomed to Winchester clan and just like that whatever protection extended to Sam was for her too with no exceptions.

Last year she realized that if she tried to stay away from the Winchester's anymore she would die of the constant hovering and mother Henning. Dean could be the worst of mother hen and Sam just lay back laughed and allowed Dean to take care of her. So, she finally moved into their apartment.

She was glad that she had had the privilege to look into the super softy heart of Dean. Because it was a beauty to behold.

"Trust me that girl is there. And don't worry he will meet her and open to her. And I am pretty sure by the time I would be back from classes Dean would be back"

"How do you know that?" asked Sam looking for all the reactions.

"I just know. Call it an intuition" said Jess.

"Seriously Dean is bad for you" said Sam

"I know" said Jess she didn't know the multiple meanings behind that statement.

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_I know this is another time jump but this had to be that way, I know time leaps sometimes seem lame but the story comes out better this way. when I started writing Jess i didn't know which direction it would go I just kept on going with the flow and she turned out to be better than I hoped for or I could write. just tell me how did you like Jess._

_waiting for your valued opinion_

_Jayshree_

_Ps. was the title misleading_


	5. Chapter 5

_thanks a lot supernaturally addicted the insight helped i hope this chapter has lesser errors. thanks starmage for constantly being there, thanks bags101 for taking interest._

**here goes the next chapter, crappy title i know. reading a book, giving tests gave me lesser time to write. i just can't say anything about the quality of the chapter.**

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Sam had no idea how he had fallen asleep, his neck ached from the crocked way his neck had decided to settle on the couch. Rubbing his neck he tried to remove the cricks. The way he had spend all the day it was no wonder he had hardly made any head way in his school work. The confidence with which Jess had said that Dean would be back today had taken root in his mind as well.

From the time Jess left the front door Sam made regular visits to window whenever he felt he heard a car pass by. Though it might seem a little odd because Impala's steady rumble couldn't match the almost soundless way the cars at Stanford moved.

But wishful thinking had led him in this predicament, he just couldn't help it. Slowly he moved to try and clear the mess of open books and papers because if he hadn't managed to do any work all the morning it was highly unlikely he would get it done at all today. So no point keeping them open when he wouldn't look at them or sleep all over them.

It was precisely at that moment he heard the front door knob turn Sam knew that Jess wasn't due for at least an hour and a half so the only logical conclusion would be that she ditched classes though she generally avoided doing it, there is always first time for everything. The other person who had the key to apartment and could enter without getting the alarms ringing couldn't be there because it would have been preceded by the rumble of Impala.

So, when Dean walked in he was surprised and amazed that Jess had that intuition spot on. The look of surprise was reciprocated on Dean's face as well. By the time Dean awkwardly and slowly Dean entered the apartment Sam had a different emotion going that was pissed off angry (exaggerating).

"Where the hell have you been?" Said Sam not even bothering to keep his voice lowered because he was too angry to care.

"Dude, lower down the volume, your voice sounds shrilly and is giving me a headache", said Dean

For some reason Dean lowered himself on the seat beside the couch without removing his jacket his face was scrunched up and his eyes closed as though the light was causing him discomfort.

For another unknown reason Sam assumed it was a hangover of massive drinking and Dean trying to avoid conversation.

"Don't test me Dean, I am beyond pissed off. For full five days you had been gone with no news from your side and when I try and call you, your phone comes out of range"

Yet for some reason Dean used his sinister hand to pull something from the depths of his jacket and tossed it on the table. It was a poly bag with some broken plastic pieces on closer inspection Sam was sure it had to be Dean's completely destroyed cell phone.

"What happened?" Said Sam utterly flabbergasted.

Anxiety and anger are one of the many emotions that can alter your alertness and observation towards a southward dip, Sam had heard this line many times before but who said it he couldn't put a name on it. Probably some hunter though the same hunter never paid much heed towards this insight. But, anyways that was not the point the point was that Sam was really angry and anxious because save for that Sam wouldn't have the missed those glaring signs.

It came and hit him twice hard when his eyes fell on the ultimate evidence that he had made such a big miss. Apparently Dean had also been sloppy because when Dean's eyes followed Sam's line of vision he hastily tried to move it out of Sam's sight in the hopeless hope that he hadn't noticed. But too late for that, Sam deftly prevented Dean from moving his wrist any further he looked at it, gave it a slight shake and in a dead calm sinister voice spoke "Dean, I will ask you this only one time and I want a true answer because the evidence speaks too much. You had been to the ER?"

He hadn't expected an answer but that didn't entail him to bear that obnoxious smile that said 'dude, isn't it obvious' looking form Sam to his wrist which showed a little peaking white bandage and the band that suggested Dean had indeed spent sometime at the ER, though how much was not clear yet. But knowing his brother, if he had landed up at the ER he was fairly badly injured that he couldn't pass off to the paramedics as I am okay and it would have followed the doctors to force him at the hospital even if he had to be restrained.

"Don't you dare, smile Dean", saying that Sam quickly letting go off Dean's wrist and moved away from his side because in his livid state he could cause serious harm when he didn't even know the extent of his brother's injuries.

"Dammit Dean, when were you planning to tell me or should I have waited to get the body bag" Sam couldn't believe what had come out of his mouth because that one thought haunted him and scared the hell out of him. He just didn't want to imagine what it would be without Dean, living through it, he just shuddered.

Yet again, Dean sensed Sam's state of mind

"Sammy, I am okay"

"Do you call this okay, you are horribly pale, and you are walking with a limp. Loud noises and light is causing you pain, this is just the part that I can see. Right away, I want to have a look where ever you are hurt"

"Dude, this is wrong on many counts first this is a moral sin what you are hinting at. Second, I don't want to give you an inferiority complex. Third, I don't swing that way. Fourth, it is plain gross"

For a second Sam couldn't make out head or tail of what his brother had just said but then he realized it was just one of his divisionary tactics.

"You are not getting off that easily. I need to know. I just can't believe it you didn't think of informing me. No, don't point your cell because hospitals asks to inform family and relatives", said Sam

"That is in the case for minors or for patients who can't sign their own insurance papers or assent forms. Both the scenarios didn't apply in my case because I didn't end up completely banged up and delirious. I just didn't know why they were adamant to get me admitted. But one look at the place I realized that the place storming with estrogen needed a firm bolt of testosterone, who better candidate than me", said Dean all the while the smile didn't leave his face

"Damn, you Dean. If you cannot stop being selfish and insensitive jerk then I am going to do it on my own", with that Sam gently and firmly began to remove Dean's jacket, one of the many things he had learned while being a hunter. Once a hunter always a hunter this was one line that always came to him unbridled and he hated it.

Dean was completely drained because his feeble attempts to hold onto the jacket came out as nothing more than a whinny baby's hold on his toy when he is sleepy.

Sam almost gasped at what he saw, Dean's right hand was covered in a cast from above the elbow to the his wrist. That explains the use of left hand, but the left hand wasn't much better off it was covered in white gauge bandaging, the areas left uncovered bore tell tale marks of broken glass marks. Through Dean's overshirt Sam could make out the strapping to his chest.

Dean was looking everywhere except his brother he hated to be the centre of concern. Sam also, averted his gaze thankfully he had found something that could occupy his attention that happened to be the Dean's hospital file that fell out of his jacket. Sam couldn't help but be in awe of doctors and nurses to look at an injured, mortally wounded, death bed people and carry on their duty. It was a commendable task because looking at an injury was a very difficult task and if the injured happened to be your loved one, it just gets harder.

"Dean, do you know what okay means because, this certainly isn't the dictionary meaning of it. It says a mild concussion. Multiple fractures to the right hand, cuts and bruises to the left, couple of broken and bruised ribs. And a ligament tear to right ankle. God, how did you sign you form"

"You are forgetting something Sammy, I am an ambidextrous"

'You never know when your strong hand becomes ineffective so it is better you both develop the functionality in both the hands.' Another one of the same hunter's learnings.

Sam choose to ignore it and said "how did you reach here? Because you were admitted in Riverside community hospital. Don't tell me you drove in this state."

"I didn't, it is sitting for repairs"

"Care to enlighten" the way Sam said that it didn't bode well and could only end badly but Dean continued anyways.

"You, know Natasha the girl form arts". Dean waited for Sam's reaction to it when none came he continued "she said that she had a show in San Diego a Russian gypsy dance, she hails from Russia and her folks have that annual dance. She wanted me to see, I couldn't refuse her humble request"

"Yeah! As though you would care about cultural and sentimental values of it. The girls' dresses and hot blooded, passionate dance did the trick", Sam said that hollowly wasn't lightening up to the joke, Dean carried on anyways.

"So, I was driving down to San Diego, humming along minding my own business but then a guy high on booze drove right into me and banged me into the tree. If guys cannot digest the booze then they shouldn't drink"

"So, what happened to other guy?" Said Sam, the reaction still missing from his tone

"I am not to sure but the cops say that it was hit and run case they asked me to file a report."

"You did" the same cold tone.

"No, that would have been too much of hassle. I couldn't get the number plate, unconscious. There were no witnesses. And I not that bad off, but for what he did to Impala I do want to have him by his neck".

"Good story"

"Whatever it is spit it out Sam", said Dean finally having enough of Sam's attitude.

"I don't why Dean. But I have a hard time believing your story"

"What do you mean?"

"Just that I have been in this family so I know all the cover stories for unexplainable injuries, do you want me to spell it out as to why did you not call me if that was the case"

"Wasn't required I could sign my admission as well as discharge forms"

That too, discharged yourself early, the file says that they wanted to keep you longer but discharged you only if got yourself regularly checked. What? you bolted before dangerous questions"

Dean snatched the file away from his hand threw it down by now, even he was standing though swaying a bit.

Sam could see that Dean was on the edge but he wasn't done

"Okay!!! How do you explain the frequent absences?"

"I have to work to keep this place running scholarships don't take care of apartment rents or food or other bills"

Sam felt guilty at that when they had moved in Sam had been worried about rents and bills Dean said he would take care of it. From that day to this Dean took care of it, Sam didn't even ask, his big brother was taking care of it. Something had come over him instead of backing down at that Sam did the unthinkable

"No, you had been hunting behind my back"

"Think whatever you want", said Dean with the uncaring icy coldness

Sam wanted to swallow his words but couldn't do that they were already out and one thing led to the other Dean, with chin high stormed out of the apartment with just his T-shirt on. Feeling of great guilt washed over him, he wanted to run after his brother who was fresh from injury. But, couldn't muster the courage to follow him after this.

It was at that moment Jess entered. One look at the jacket, hospital file and Sam's face she understood. She came over gave Sam's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and went to look for Dean.

Sam didn't even have time to admire that how close and in sync had Jess become to the brothers and their nuances.

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**guys, what do you think? waiting for comments. please review...**


	6. Chapter 6

_thanks a lot guys for such great inputs and reviews._

**_Starmage_**_ - i first read your statement i kind of jumped in my seat, literally. but it helped in forming the structure of this chapter, frankly the structure revolves around your comment._

**_Scorpio_**_ - i am glad that you wanted to see the interaction between Dean and Jess, because that is what i had always wanted to read. this interaction was the main reason why i wrote this fanfic in the first place. earlier i wanted to do a one shot but that seemed unsatisfactory somehow, so the fic._

**_Lisa_**_ - i am seriously working on the multi run. this is one flaw i have always had. when i proof read i know where the story is going so multi runs become non existent. i kind of forget as reader they are relying on me to tell them where it is going and i become incomprehensible. crappy explanation but this exactly the way i berate myself. hope here i have lesser multi runs. _

**_bags101 _**_- ofcourse you would know a person like that. maybe you are seeing something maybe not (grin)_

**_supernaturally addicted _**_- thanks alot, i am still working on punctuations hope they will get better with time( i am really trying). bear with me. thanks for the good author bit, best compliment ever:) ( we writers do understand the relevance of that compliment, this is something all of us here are yearning for) _

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The adrenaline rush of flight, that had propelled him at least half a mile away from the apartment, had left him now. His body was protesting loudly to the amount exertion he had put it through. It was a wonder of some kind that he was still standing and had not collapsed on the mud covered ground.

The reason why he was still standing shivering in the slight chilly winds of the night in just a T-shirt was solely to give his body the lost energy back. He was mighty pissed at the fact that his body was being stubborn and not listening to him. But, even the Dean's body had limitations and wasn't game for what he was about to put him through.

If his body could talk to the massively jerky ego of his, it would have had a showdown by now with a couple of whacks to his head for thinking about such an outrage when his body was still healing. So, Dean stood at the foot of the jungle gym looking from top to bottom, giving his body time to restore the energy and climb up.

What is with mental dialogues and alertness why don't they ever get along? Because his mental dialogue had sent his alertness towards a downward spiral. He came to the land of living when he felt a hand on his shoulder; he would have delivered a deadly blow to gut if he didn't know the touch so well.

"Guess Sam told you and sent you after me", said Dean as he turned to look at the calm face Jess.

"Do you really think so? One look at the state of home I clued it together. He didn't say anything and the state you left him in, I would have been hard fought to get one word out of him for hours"

"If you were thinking of climbing up that monster don't do that because your brother would kill me after I kill you and then Sam would have gone to jail. So, please save us all from this illogical pointless turmoil and come with me" said Jess as she gently yet firmly began to maneuver him.

"Where did I go wrong with my sweet young girl? She is giving death threats in open, why o lord you kept me alive for this", said Dean in mock exasperation.

"Not remotely funny Dean. Cheesy at best, you are losing your touch bro. You must have a concussion because save for that my mentor wouldn't degrade his jokes", said Jess.

Dean had expected Jess to march him right up to his bed and tuck him in. Instead, she led him over to swings. She had come to know both the brothers so well that she understood that both of them were not ready to face each other. Sam needed time to calm down and Dean needed to talk to someone before he build up the walls again that guarded his thoughts, insecurities, fears too well.

She handed him over a beer. Dean looked on puzzled where it had come from. Then his eyes fell on the handbag. Girls' handbags were a mystery an extension of their own mysterious personalities it could carry so many things. Dean had to admit that it was practical too, but obviously he had no urge to try the utility of it. Whatever thought in this regard had entered his mind was thwarted when he remembered Joey from friends and his case with the handbag.

Dean looked at the beer and accepted it he couldn't help adding "alcohol for concussed guy"

"You are coherent enough so your concussion isn't that bad. Plus, alcohol would open you up and that is what I need now". Said Jess while giving her eyes a long roll.

"Did someone tell you I am bad for you?"

"Heard it a hundred times form both you and Sam" said Jess.

For the next few moments they sat in silence on the swings, swinging lightly and sipping on the cold beer. If any of Stanford folks saw him like this he would have to kiss goodbye to swaggering macho guy image of his and be labeled as 'oh! Poor guy' and if his dad saw him like this he would keel over and die at the Disney soldier he had raised.

Thinking about his father hurt him so much so that his heart ached but when a person is close to you; their thoughts come to you unbridled because they occupy such a firm position in your heart that you couldn't help but acknowledge it.

Anyways, the motion of the swing always had the calming effect on him. It wasn't for the first time that he had ended up here, whenever he was in an emotional or a physical turmoil he ended at the park. Generally his choice for solitude and quiet thinking was on the top of the jungle gym. But, the second resort was the swings.

He really wanted Jess to say something but it was clear that Jess wasn't going to say anything. They would end up sitting here all night until and unless Dean spoke up. He hated and admired how quickly Jess had picked up pointers to talk to the Winchester's.

Sam was a temperamental guy with all his emotions running up in exponential curves when it concerned his brother. That was the major flaw in their communications Dean preferred closing up and Sam shouted for opening up. Sam wasn't wrong but he just couldn't accept it because that would entail opening up.

"I am sorry, Sammy is right", for the love of god he couldn't understand what was with this women that she could weasel out many of his closely guarded emotions with barest of efforts.

When Jess first started to come into their lives he was apprehensive but the smile she brought on Sam's face made him consider her. By and by he got to know her he became protective and fond of her.

She represented everything they had missed in their lives that happened to be a calming female presence. Near and far Winchester's close people were mostly males. She was in many ways like what he remembered of their mother, she was gentle yet firm. Fiercely protective of loved ones, great at reading people's emotions mostly men. Men all over the world have this issue that emotions are for sissy, but that is what that makes them human. Who was he kidding if said that in an all testosterone party he would, well kiss goodbye to men's world.

When she moved in she sort of converted two bachelor's apartment into a house. When a female comes into your life she brings along with her some sense of order in the normal chaos. The female be it a mother, sister, daughter, lover she has that influence without her the family is never complete. He sometimes wondered what would have been if their mother was still alive. Dad would have smiled, Sam would have had a steady school. And he? he would have been the normal carefree guy with not a care in the world.

But those were all ifs. If just happens to be one word that you remembered when you have passed that turn in your life.

It was just Jess's influence that their apartment at Palo Alto represented home for him. As, long as Sam and Jess were there this life made sense and worth all the efforts he was putting in.

"You should be saying that to Sam", said Jess.

Another one of Jess's great traits she understood the emotional connect of the word Sammy and was reserved only for him. She had never called Sam Sammy; she called him many nicknames but this. Her standard response was that it was hardly creative but Sam and Dean knew better.

"It isn't easy. I didn't want to worry him with my petty injuries", said Dean

She looked at him expecting him to self correct.

"Okay! Not exactly petty. But you know how he gets when he is worried"

"What do you think no news of you for five days did to him? If you would have informed him, he would have had the news and wouldn't have stayed muddled in uncertainty"

Dean stayed silent, Jess didn't push it. She could always make out when she was getting through and being understood. If Dean could recommend a psychotherapist it would be her. She had the expertise of dealing with the Winchester's a good credential enough. If she met John Winchester and by some miracle she was allowed to be a family there dysfunctional family would become normal (at least functional).

"Anyways you owe me big time, for taking care of that sensitive brother of yours", said Jess

Dean had to be blind if he missed those obvious signs

"I am sorry, I hurt you too"

"Yes, you did. Can you imagine me or Sam doing the same thing? Being out of touch, coming with a file of list of injuries and saying that it is not a biggie and no need to worry", said Jess.

"Don't Jess"

"Don't what, Dean? You would have felt shattered that your brother or I don't need you even after an injury", said Jess.

"That is not true. I didn't want any of you to feel that way", said Dean

"So, you have a masochist personality", said Jess

"I don't derive pleasure form injuries", said Dean.

"But the way you hide it, your just a hair breadth away", said Jess

"My life had never allowed me to give time injuries. My life had taught me one thing that people sympathize with your injury for so long then later on they just fake it, they are just kicking to tell you suck it dude we are not interested. I had to take care of Sam, he is more than a brother I raised him. I just can't bring myself to tell him that his invincible brother is weak." It was one of the very rare occasions when he had blatantly came close to criticizing his father and opened up so much. Jess wasn't kidding the beer had opened him up.

"I can't comment on your life. But this much I know, if Sam was given the choice that he could call only one of you as his father, like a life and death one. He would over and over choose you. Hell, he might call you that now but it would lead him to loose his brother and the friendship that comes with the package. You are getting my drift?" Said Jess.

Dean kept on looking at her because what she was telling him was too good to be interrupted.

"Sam has grown up, Dean. He is a big boy and realizes that you are not invincible; he doesn't want a hero to look up to, he has grown out of it. He just needs his brother who in spite of short comings is always there, treats him as an equal, opens up to him. You are not showing yourself to be weak just a brother who needs a family."

"Sam grew up but you are still stuck you didn't grow. You have already raised him into a fantastic human being. You have already taken care of him. Now, it is time to take care of each other. Sam, needs you a lot still let him know that you need him too", said Jess

"It isn't easy it has been in me for all along I can't stop taking care"

"Dumbo", said Jess

"Excuse me", said Dean

"I called what you are. I am not asking you to stop taking care. All I am saying is allow others to take care of you as well. You are worth it if they care for you. It really feels bad when you denounce the worth of something one cares for. Your saying I am not worth it hurts Dean it hurts"

Dean couldn't thing of anything else to do except to bend forward and hug her and that is what he did, ribs be damned(old habits die hard)

"Dean talk to him, he deserves this much. Even you deserve to just let it out once in a while", said Jess. Dean could feel the tears from her eyes wetting his shirt.

'Great going Dean Winchester you made her cry. How do you explain that to her boyfriend?'

"Oh no, all that I taught you is gone down the drain. All my hard work of years wasted, the girl in you is back" said Dean

Jess gave a cheery sob, lightly punched his arm and said "not my fault the sissy in my teacher brings out the crying girl in me"

"I promise I would talk to Sam as much as possible for me", said Dean.

"That's a start."

"Thanks Jess, for the beer, not to have the shouting match, not smothering me with too much care. What else does a man want beer, a woman who gives free reign to him", said Dean

"Watch it Mr. Winchester I am off limits", said Jess.

"And I thought we had chemistry. Don't tell me you fell for the pansy stuff guy" said Dean as held his hand over his heart as though it had broken in million pieces.

"Yup! One and only one", said Jess.

"No, really thank you for being there for the two of us. We were a very small family your entry has made it bigger and better some how", said Dean

This was highly sentimental stuff. Even the heavy talk that preceded it paled in comparison. Her throat was about to choke up, she was seriously regretting giving him the beer.

'Focus, you don't want to spoil his lifted spirit now, when he is ready to open up to Sam. You will get time to cry your heart out but now it is not the time'

"But, on the campus everyone contradicts, they are really jealous of me at landing at the Winchester house. I have made the official snatch in Sam as a boyfriend and in Dean as a tag along back up plan. Both male and females give me that look. Girls keep on asking for if Dean is available", said Jess.

"What girls? I am all game to meet them anywhere anytime. And the campus reminds me of one thing. We need to throw a party"

"Party?" Said Jess.

"Of course. I am back so, the Stanford needs to know about it. The party should be on the lines of welcome back, get well soon. What would Stanford do without me? What would you both do without me? I bet you did start to study on a date", said Dean.

"Seriously, what would we both do without you?" Said Jess with a big inhale and exhale of air.

* * *

_ tell me what do you think . waiting for your comments_

**R and R**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks a lot for the reviews. I am glad that you like Jess**_**bags101;**_**even I liked how she turned out. Thanks**_**starmage you seriously keep me going even I hope Jess has a different future but right now I don't know.**_

**Thanks supernaturally addicted who is also my beta. I just hope I am not handing over too much work to you.

* * *

**

_Sammy was crying again. Dean had tried his best to keep him quiet, but he just didn't know how to calm Sammy down when he was in one of his moods. He tried singing a lullaby; that is what mommy did whenever the youngest Winchester was in one of his moods. Dean just called out and mommy would shush little Sammy down. But mommy wasn't there anymore. The last time he had seen her, she was on the ceiling her tummy was bleeding and fire dancing around her. He was very scared, when he had seen mommy like that he wanted to scream but voice didn't come out. That was when daddy came, seeing him Dean was sure that daddy would make mommy okay again. Thus, when daddy asked to take Sammy out with him, he ran. He was waiting for daddy to bring mommy but he came alone screaming._

_Daddy was scaring him, but more than that he was making Sammy scared. Dean pulled his little brother towards him so that he wouldn't hear daddy scream, out of all the things he hated, he hated hearing that the most. Mommy had said that speaking loudly made people bad and Sammy scared, whenever Dean spoke too loudly in the house. Dean couldn't let daddy be bad and Sammy scared of him. He kept quiet because daddy was not hugging Dean. He sometimes became like that whenever he was angry, for that time Dean became a good boy, didn't cry, didn't scream, did the entire work mommy or daddy asked him to do, like cleaning up his toys. After sometime daddy would become happy again, would hug Dean and played with him._

_But daddy was still not happy; he wasn't smiling or hugging him. Dean missed mommy he wanted to cry out call for her but that would make daddy angry. Dean didn't like when daddy became angry. He hated staying in those motels, he missed his home, his room, and he wanted his bunny. He did everything daddy asked him to do just to see him smile and say it is okay, he took care of Sammy, changed his diapers. At the first go he messed up. So, daddy showed him how to do it, while at it he tickled Sammy seeing Sammy laugh, daddy laughed._

_Dean was so happy seeing daddy smile. Thus, he tried extra hard to change Sammy's diapers the next time. When he got that right daddy smiled and patted Dean's back. If seeing Sammy happy made dad smile then he would do everything to keep Sammy happy._

_But, today Sammy wouldn't stop crying, he was bawling his heart out. Dean's head was hurting hearing Sammy and by sitting in the Impala in the sun. When daddy came back to take them inside the old lady's house he just lifted Sammy and began to soothe him. That was not fair Dean's head was hurting because of Sammy and daddy still thought Sammy should get a hug. Though, Sammy couldn't walk, but that didn't mean Dean shouldn't get a hug._

_Dean's lips were quivering within minutes he was about to cry because his eyes were watering. He tried to climb out of Impala but with his head hurting and about to cry, he stumbled out and fell face first in the gritty, gravely road._

_He couldn't control anymore, he began to cry as he had never cried before. He missed mommy, he missed his house, and he was hurting, his knees and elbows hurt there was blood there. He had never been hurt this badly before. He just wanted his daddy to tell him it is okay._

_A plump old lady came running out of the house hearing Dean scream. She took Sammy from daddy's hand. Finally daddy hugged, Dean cried harder. He would never let daddy go. He could feel the back of his shirt getting wet, he looked up and saw that daddy was crying he sloppily wiped daddy's tears and began hugging him again._

_Daddy kept on saying, "It's okay, I am sorry kiddo."_

_Dean was too happy; he had missed this part of daddy. But, he kept on crying he was too out of it to see that his nose was running. Dean was still in pain, but thankfully daddy was here to make it all okay again. He would take any pain for that._

_Daddy lightly picked him up, still cradling him; he took him inside the house. He soothingly blew over Dean's wounds as he started bandaging them. Dean felt pretty happy but couldn't stop crying; he was still hurting. It was his crying that gave him his daddy back; daddy wasn't running away from him and Sammy._

_Moreover, Daddy was not leaving him and going to Sammy. Dean loved Sammy but he wanted daddy too. He felt Sammy was being bad by keeping daddy to himself._

_Expecting another hug Dean cried again. But, then he looked at daddy Dean choked a sob. Daddy had that look what mommy had told him was when daddy was mad but didn't want to say._

_Daddy was mad at him. He was hurt; Daddy took care of him, just to get mad at him. No, if Dean getting hurt and knowing about it made others mad, daddy mad then he would never tell anyone ever that he hurt. He wouldn't want daddy or anyone mad at him._

_He would stick to the original plan to make daddy happy that is to take care of Sammy._

_*********_

This was one memory that was very old could rank close to ancient. But, it also happened to be one of his vivid first memories it was as relevant as that of their mom dying. At that time he hadn't known how piercing his screams were. He was craving for that attention. When he tried to extend his act he had somehow increased his pitch that led dad to cringe.

Even Missouri had covered her ears and asked him to be quiet. He now understood how tiresome and trying a toddler can be. And when he shrieked higher of course dad cringed.

Give the state of his dad's mind and the circumstances that led them to Missouri's house were already bad. On top of it two bawling kids, he sometimes wondered how patient his dad been.

Missouri's comment was warranted but his kid's psyche couldn't understand it and he was sure she didn't like him so he tried to be a brat to her. And he was sure his bratty behavior and initial dislike of Dean was still fresh with her.

That lady never looked at him the way she looked at Sam. She practically hated him.

Dean lay awake in his bed wondering what had caused him to relive this memory. May be his talk with Jess when he said that 'when you get injured people sympathize with you so long and later they are just kicking to tell you to suck it dude, we are not interested' he meant every word of it.

'Was he crying? Did he just feel tears in his eyes? Shit, this is bad. He was lying awake in his bed crying. This had more drama than a soap opera. He is so not talking to Jess again. _Next time lets have a one to one with Sam_' thought Dean

But when was talking to Sam better than talking to Jess? Well last night proved it was an equally bad idea.

When they came back Dean was all for a big sorry. But, surprise… surprise. Kidding, not a surprise. Sam sat their wallowing in guilt. That kid seriously was like a rocket bomb ready to blast in one minute; all angry like a bull after seeing red, next minute he is as quiet and has a face that he is ready for a confession.

Sammy was all sorrys that he drove his big brother out in an injured state. His guilt was so contagious that a sincere sorry came blurting out of his mouth immediately.

By that time his body had lost all stamina and was ready to fall asleep then and there. How he had ended up in the bed was all a blur. But, he did remember being helped out of his clothes.

He just hoped Jess and Sam did it together else he would lose his changing diapers leverage against Sammy.

So all in all the talk hadn't happened. Had just ended with a sorry and being okay. But, talking with Jess had opened his mind a bit. He had to talk to Sam, he deserved it. This talk was long overdue it was coming sooner or later but coming nonetheless.

Sam had a lot to know. But here is Dean hoping Sammy would understand. 'Understand. Who he was kidding?'.

*********

"Dean," said Sam the next day at breakfast. Sam had skipped classes so he could stay with Dean. Of course, Dean had protested, but his protests had fallen on deaf ears. He could understand all the years of infectious presence had some how contaminated Sam but Jess, she was a way fast learner.

Because today miss goody Jess had bunked classes and was at present meeting with a doctor to fix an appointment for Dean.

"Yeah!" said Dean.

"About last night," said Sam, _man that sounded weird to an outsider it could have a range of meanings_ he thought.

"Come on, it is over, we are good," said Dean _sounds weirder_ thought Sam. _No more weird thoughts focus here._

"No, it is not. About what I said that you are hiding something and might be hunting behind my back', said Sam. At that Dean made an attempt to interrupt but Sam cut him off.

"I know you hadn't been on a hunting trip, Natasha called, and she kind of saw you yesterday and called to see if you were okay. She told me that she had indeed invited you over. I am sorry I doubted you."

Dean wanted to say something but was afraid Sam might go back to truth he had come so close to discovering.

"I just want to tell you that even if you had been hunting," said Sam. Dean was about to say something but Sam interjected again.

"Just hear me out okay. Even if, you had been hiding something. I trust you that you would tell me when the time comes. And I just want you to trust that I would be here to hear you out and understand."

It had been a very close shave and still closely guarded secret wasn't out of peril. But he would prefer that it would be his choice to tell that secret rather than a chance discovery.

He had to move fast and decide on when the talk came. But, it wasn't today but for the time being a nod in agreement would have to do.

* * *

So, what do you think? This was a completely unplanned chapter. i just thought over some of the lines Dean said and realized it needed explanation. i have incorporated young sibling jealousy because it is true that older kid no matter how understanding feels that when a baby comes to their house. That undivided attention of parents is suddenly divided. The hugs and lifts are shared.

By having that thought Dean is not behaving out of character but is just being a kid suddenly thrust into completely changed circumstances. Even John is not bad don't hate him because I am writing him as a person and a parent, who is behaving and coping in the best possible way.

**Beta's Note;** Hey, I'm SupernaturallyAddicted. Um, this is the first time I have ever beta'd, and if there were any mistakes that I missed (I checked and rechecked), please tell me. I hope Jayshree will be okay with letting me have just a little sidenote.

R AND R

Jayshree


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